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Literature Text
She lifted the glass and sniffed it.
"But I don't understand. What's so special about it?"
"Just try it, please? You'll understand when you drink it."
"What do you mean? Have you put something in it?"
He laughed dismissively. "No, of course not, silly! Now, won't you try it? For me?"
She looked at him doubtfully, unconvinced. She stuck her tongue into the blood-coloured liquid and then, seemingly slightly mollified, tipped the glass back further and drank some of it.
"So what was it you wanted to talk about?" she asked.
"Did I? It seems a long time ago now. I don't think it was anything important."
"Are you sure? It sounded quite urgent on the phone."
"Well, maybe it'll come back to me…"
She didn't reply, but surveyed him for a while as she sipped her drink.
"Are you ok?" she asked eventually. "You seem… different."
"Me? No, everything's fine. It really is."
She looked unconvinced. "You don't seem like you. Are you sure you're ok?"
Her vision went black for a second, as if she'd taken a too-long blink.
"Isn't this what you wanted?" he asked. "Us, here, together?"
"I… I don't know."
His voice was sounding as if it was coming from very far away.
"I… don't feel very well. I'm just… going to the bathroom."
She got up to make her way through his labyrinth of a house, but the ground seemed to rise up beneath her and all of a sudden she was on the floor.
He rushed to her side.
"What happened?" she managed.
"You just had a little fall, sweetie. You're ok."
"No, I'm really dizzy. It hurts here," she cried, putting her hand on her chest.
"It's ok," he murmured reassuringly. "It's all going to be fine."
"This is wrong!" she panicked. "Something's wrong! I can't feel my legs!"
"It's fine, my love. Don't worry," he said, holding her.
"No, it's not. Something's wrong. I can't see properly. Help me!" she cried up at him.
"Don't worry, sweetie. It'll all be ok, I promise you." He stroked her hair as she slipped out of consciousness.
"Everything's going to be just fine."
"But I don't understand. What's so special about it?"
"Just try it, please? You'll understand when you drink it."
"What do you mean? Have you put something in it?"
He laughed dismissively. "No, of course not, silly! Now, won't you try it? For me?"
She looked at him doubtfully, unconvinced. She stuck her tongue into the blood-coloured liquid and then, seemingly slightly mollified, tipped the glass back further and drank some of it.
"So what was it you wanted to talk about?" she asked.
"Did I? It seems a long time ago now. I don't think it was anything important."
"Are you sure? It sounded quite urgent on the phone."
"Well, maybe it'll come back to me…"
She didn't reply, but surveyed him for a while as she sipped her drink.
"Are you ok?" she asked eventually. "You seem… different."
"Me? No, everything's fine. It really is."
She looked unconvinced. "You don't seem like you. Are you sure you're ok?"
Her vision went black for a second, as if she'd taken a too-long blink.
"Isn't this what you wanted?" he asked. "Us, here, together?"
"I… I don't know."
His voice was sounding as if it was coming from very far away.
"I… don't feel very well. I'm just… going to the bathroom."
She got up to make her way through his labyrinth of a house, but the ground seemed to rise up beneath her and all of a sudden she was on the floor.
He rushed to her side.
"What happened?" she managed.
"You just had a little fall, sweetie. You're ok."
"No, I'm really dizzy. It hurts here," she cried, putting her hand on her chest.
"It's ok," he murmured reassuringly. "It's all going to be fine."
"This is wrong!" she panicked. "Something's wrong! I can't feel my legs!"
"It's fine, my love. Don't worry," he said, holding her.
"No, it's not. Something's wrong. I can't see properly. Help me!" she cried up at him.
"Don't worry, sweetie. It'll all be ok, I promise you." He stroked her hair as she slipped out of consciousness.
"Everything's going to be just fine."
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I wrote this last term (Jan/Feb/March 07) I think. A while back, anyway.
Tidied a few bits just now but not a lot.
Literature Explanation
I don't want to extend this piece - I think it stands well at the length it is; however, I think some improvements could be made content-wise so if you have any suggestions on the literature front I would like very much to hear them. I thought this had a fair bit of potential but I'm not sure how it came out. As you know, most of my poetry and prose stays hidden in a folder at home and occasionally makes its way out to competitions and the like but never somewhere like here where people I know could SEE it!
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is don't hold back on the improvements but do be gentle about them (i.e. say the nice stuff too!) as I'm not too confident on how my writings are received in this environment.
Oh yes and if you see any typos or spelling/grammar errors (I'd like to think the latter just a subcategory of the former), please point those out too!
And I'm particularly not sure about the formatting - indenting, where to put extra lines in, etc. Thoughts?
This took me ages to decide what category to put it in (you mean there are other categories than "Traditional Art: Drawings: People"?!) and I think I chose the one best suited for it; it was either that or just "General Fiction".
Personal Explanation
So um yeah, what's next? The hidden metaphor? (This is Itti we're talking about. There's always one. Well, often.) I scribbled this down just after a phone conversation with my beloved as he was telling me over and over again that everything was ok. It really scared me because I couldn't tell whether he was lying. Common sense told me he was but he's very good at it. Sometimes you have to stop listening to people's eyes and voices and just listen to their words. But then, I never have been a head-over-heart sort of person. Anyway, yeah. Once I got off the phone I scribbled this down in a kind of frenzy.
I don't think I quite meant to go into that much detail there
It just sort of happened... 
~~
Psst... for those of you who don't feel up to making a literary-based comment, advanced critique encouraged doesn't mean other comments aren't welcome
Tidied a few bits just now but not a lot.
Literature Explanation
I don't want to extend this piece - I think it stands well at the length it is; however, I think some improvements could be made content-wise so if you have any suggestions on the literature front I would like very much to hear them. I thought this had a fair bit of potential but I'm not sure how it came out. As you know, most of my poetry and prose stays hidden in a folder at home and occasionally makes its way out to competitions and the like but never somewhere like here where people I know could SEE it!
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is don't hold back on the improvements but do be gentle about them (i.e. say the nice stuff too!) as I'm not too confident on how my writings are received in this environment.
Oh yes and if you see any typos or spelling/grammar errors (I'd like to think the latter just a subcategory of the former), please point those out too!
And I'm particularly not sure about the formatting - indenting, where to put extra lines in, etc. Thoughts?
This took me ages to decide what category to put it in (you mean there are other categories than "Traditional Art: Drawings: People"?!) and I think I chose the one best suited for it; it was either that or just "General Fiction".
Personal Explanation
So um yeah, what's next? The hidden metaphor? (This is Itti we're talking about. There's always one. Well, often.) I scribbled this down just after a phone conversation with my beloved as he was telling me over and over again that everything was ok. It really scared me because I couldn't tell whether he was lying. Common sense told me he was but he's very good at it. Sometimes you have to stop listening to people's eyes and voices and just listen to their words. But then, I never have been a head-over-heart sort of person. Anyway, yeah. Once I got off the phone I scribbled this down in a kind of frenzy.
I don't think I quite meant to go into that much detail there
It just sort of happened... ~~
Psst... for those of you who don't feel up to making a literary-based comment, advanced critique encouraged doesn't mean other comments aren't welcome
© 2007 - 2024 Itti
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it's interesting ... but i dont quite understand it x.x